hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's the barista slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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