Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
