That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
