if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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