we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
