oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
