And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
