just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
