i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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