I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
