dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
