yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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