the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
