I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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