I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
