I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
