i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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