as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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