who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
