remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
