I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did I show you my penis last night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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