oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
