I just threw up on my dentist
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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