I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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