I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
