wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
