how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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