He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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