Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
