My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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