i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
