The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
