His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
