Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your cock deserves a montage
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
