I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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