is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
