I think I died a long time ago.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
