kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
