But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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