My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize