mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
