My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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