Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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