Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
