Where did you get a picture of my penis
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
