i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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