Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
