fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
