I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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