I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
