I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want a musical about memes.
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