just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
