i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
