I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
