I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
