Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
