It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
