He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize