I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize