He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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