yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize