I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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