I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
