I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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