I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
