If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
