dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
