ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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