I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
