you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
