Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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