I just gift wrapped bread.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
